Weight of The World

I'm fat. No point hiding it, I am FAT. I weigh 14st 12 pounds . I stand 5ft 9 in my bare feet. Ergo, I am a fat bastard. My expensive gym membership hasn't been used for two months and I can't even get the old enthusiasm up for the Great North Run so I haven't done any running for couple of weeks.

This may be a symptom of a much bigger malaise in my life as I seem to be withdrawing again into my cave. I can't summon up enthusiasm for much at the moment.I think this is about changes in my life. Adult and near adult kids, more time with the wife, return of the money worries and our commitment to paying school fees which has brought us to near insolvency. But I can't talk about this with anyone except of course you, dear reader! My wife can't hear me, I am fading away..... The PC is f**ng bust again so I am typing this at work. I need music to power me out of this. I need This is The Modern World and Paul Weller singing " I don't give two fucks about your review!" to shake me out of this state, but I don't have it on my work PC.

There is a job here in my company. I can do it, its more money, but I'm not applying. What's worse is that I have lied to my wife to say I will apply. Why won't I apply? Because this organisation is corrupt and morally bankrupt. How do I know this? An example. A very average colleague of mine's career has sky rocketed over the last three years. This period neatly coincides with the rise of her ex lover to a position of power. And there is more, I could tell you how many people are related to each other here but it would take all day.I could tell you that me and other like minded souls play a game of who is going to get the job Bingo every time a job is advertised. We're never wrong. Why don't I leave? Golden handcuffs, mate. this job pays very well. Bitter and twisted? Passed over and pissed off? You bet.