Weight of The World Pt 11

I reread that last post later in the day and was frankly a bit ashamed of myself. Not the applying for the job bit- that still applies- but the bit about being fat and not being motivated to do something about it. I thought, well at least getting thinner and fitter is something I can control. So I went to Boots bought some Adios tablets and then came back and enrolled in the BUPA 10k Run In Sunderland in July and bought some gym equipment off a mate who is moving to Belgium in July. I'm going to cancel my gym membership and just get out there and run and do some weights at home.

The mate in question is taking a career break in July and moving lock stock and barrel to Belgium. His partner is Belgian and she wants to go back home to be near her elderly parents. He doesn't speak French or Flemish so its gonna be hard but I envy him and his attitude.I wish I was that brave. He has two small kids, one is school age so it will be pretty tough for her in the first place but what an experience for them.

He is also a musician and author . He has a book out at the moment, a collection of short stories called Blunt Wound Trauma. It's good and shows promise and is an enjoyable, if slightly, shocking read. Buy it here and help him make a go of it abroad. Good luck Mick.

Weight of The World

I'm fat. No point hiding it, I am FAT. I weigh 14st 12 pounds . I stand 5ft 9 in my bare feet. Ergo, I am a fat bastard. My expensive gym membership hasn't been used for two months and I can't even get the old enthusiasm up for the Great North Run so I haven't done any running for couple of weeks.

This may be a symptom of a much bigger malaise in my life as I seem to be withdrawing again into my cave. I can't summon up enthusiasm for much at the moment.I think this is about changes in my life. Adult and near adult kids, more time with the wife, return of the money worries and our commitment to paying school fees which has brought us to near insolvency. But I can't talk about this with anyone except of course you, dear reader! My wife can't hear me, I am fading away..... The PC is f**ng bust again so I am typing this at work. I need music to power me out of this. I need This is The Modern World and Paul Weller singing " I don't give two fucks about your review!" to shake me out of this state, but I don't have it on my work PC.

There is a job here in my company. I can do it, its more money, but I'm not applying. What's worse is that I have lied to my wife to say I will apply. Why won't I apply? Because this organisation is corrupt and morally bankrupt. How do I know this? An example. A very average colleague of mine's career has sky rocketed over the last three years. This period neatly coincides with the rise of her ex lover to a position of power. And there is more, I could tell you how many people are related to each other here but it would take all day.I could tell you that me and other like minded souls play a game of who is going to get the job Bingo every time a job is advertised. We're never wrong. Why don't I leave? Golden handcuffs, mate. this job pays very well. Bitter and twisted? Passed over and pissed off? You bet.

A Funny Old Week

Funny old week this one. I haven't been in my office since last Thursday. I was at a Knife Crime conference on Friday at the Centre For Life here. It was reassuring to find out that the North East doesn't really have a gang culture nor much problem with youths and knife crime. Let's keep it that way.

Most of this week I have been on Community Cohesion and Conflict Resolution training course. Again lots of Police on this course. I was very pleased that at last the City Council (who were running the course with Safe Newcastle) have finally acknowledged that we do have some minority ethnic communities and this has not gone down well with the usual white working class on the Estates.
Having said that I have never encountered as much racism as I have whilst working in one of the most affluent parts of this city.This change in the make up of the population has challenged the self perception of the people here that Geordies are all welcoming and friendly ( remember Cockney Mafia out at St James' Park?). Geordies are no different to any other part of the country, in my experience and will only accept you if you fully embrace the Geordie Fatherland concept. Anyway, Thank God, I have been speaking out and challenging racism for years here (lets not bother too much about sexism and discrimination against the disabled as no one here cares)and twenty years (almost) after the Elswick riots there is this course. Better late than never.

Me and the son are off tomorrow to Peterborough to the last game of the season and a promotion party type atmosphere. That'll cheer me up!

Posh are going up!!

What can I say. Darragh Macanthony(our Chairman) was right I was wrong. We are in the Championship.

Its Posh we are
And Posh we feel
United we all stand
I'm telling you
Support The Blues
The best team in the land
Peterborough Peterborough Peterborough
La La La

Passionate Embrace

I have been married 24 years. It doesn't seem possible , does it? I mean where did those years go? How did we get so old (We're both 48).When did I get so jaded, bitter and cynical? Well, maybe I have always been a bit jaded , bitter and cynical. At least that is what Mrs Cowhut says and she has known me for 30 years (this year).

Anyway lately , as is the way with old married couples, we have sort of drifted apart- not in a nasty way- just in a comfortable pipe and slippers type way. We don't share the same interests, or more accurately we don't pretend to anymore. We did both used to like more or less the same type of music.Nowadays I don't even know what she likes or even if she ever listens to music.She doesn't when we are both together and she definitely doesn't like my musical taste anymore.

Our last great shared musical passion was Embrace. Who? Yes them. We loved them at Newcastle Uni with all the students in the early days. We loved them , standing in pitch black night at Leeds Festival with rain pelting down and us getting soaked whilst they played The Good Will Out and we sang along. We missed them when they disappeared for three years and then rushed to see them 3 times on their Out of Nothing tour. We didn't even really mind that they needed a Chris Martin song to get mainstream attention, the song was good, like a renaissance.

We both had tears in our eyes when they played Newcastle City Hall and Danny's voice was in its best form ever. He came down into the audience that night and sang Glorious Day. It didn't get much better than that.That was the peak, the high point. It dipped after that.We didn't like the next album that much(This New Day), sort of resented the stadium tour (although we went) but mainly it dipped because Danny's voice (always fragile) was shot. Chris Moyles picked up on them and overdid it as he overdoes everything and that seemed to make it worse. Danny's honesty seemed contrived and showbiz. World at Your Feet was OK but it wasn't great Embrace. We still bought all formats though.
The last gig for us was at the Newcastle Academy. I ended up going on my own, my wife didn't care enough anymore.
It was a bit sad. Richard and Mickey had to sing along with Danny on all the songs. There were people there who obviously didn't know the early stuff- Fireworks or The Good Will Out. They'd stopped ending with that one anyway.
And now they're gone again. Will they return I don't know. A part of me still cares and wants them and that passion back.

Part of me knows that love affairs don't last a whole lifetime.

Gravity